Time

The past days have been filled with adventure. Adventure in which I overcommit and then feel overwhelmed. Yes, I thrive off of the chaos that comes with business, but also, it's not healthy at all. My days usually start at 7:00 AM and then go until about 10:00 PM -- class, work, and student organizations. 10:00 PM - 7:00 AM is filled with social commitments, sleep, eating, and homework. I should not have to physically write in my planner when I am going to eat or when I am going to run to the store. At the beginning of the week, my weekends seem to be open for sleep and working ahead. But they're not. They're just as busy as my weekdays. Friday night I went on a hike to Big Falls, got coffee, went to a concert, and hung out with more friends. Saturday morning I worked for two hours, then had study abroad orientation, then helped a friend move, then got coffee with another friend, then had to run errands, and then crashed. Today, I went to the apple orchard with a group of friends and got lunch. Now that my day has died down, I just want to sleep and relax. But I can't because of the homework I have #midtermsweek. It's all great, and I enjoy it, but where does time for myself and God come into play? 

Time seems to be limited, which results in (strawberry) jam packed days. The fact that it's mid-October proves that our days are ticking by. We often say time's speed, is scary. But the reason it seems to go at the pace of a velociraptor is because we fill our days rather than live in the spontaneity of the moment. Think of being on vacation. A moment in which there are no commitments. A three day trip can often feel like a week or more. So, why can't we live each day in a way where we don't overcommit? As a college student, I think that it's because of competition induced by our society. The reason to be so involved with student organizations, research, to work, and to be taking a rigorous course load is to stand out amongst our peers for graduate programs as well as prospective employers. I'm guilty of it which then leads me to feel mega stressed. I'm trying to plan out my life for next year: work, school, adventure, or none? But even worse, I'm trying to plan out the year after: grad school or peace corps? THAT'S CRAZY. I should not be planning two years in advance. Things aren't going to go how I plan for them to (God's plan for me is bigger than the plan for myself). 

I need to live in the moment. I need to do things and not think about how it will affect me tomorrow, next week, next month, or five years down the road. I can't plan out my life as much as I want to. I want to go to grad school for a masters and doctorate (at some point). I want to join the Peace Corps. I want to work in higher education. I want to have a family. I want to travel. It's unhealthy to think about the "I want's" so frequently. I need to focus on the present "I am's" : I am going to Nicaragua, I am an undergraduate student, I am working with students, I am part of an incredible family. Most importantly, I am me. A loved daughter of God.

What is time? Inception definitely makes it confusing but also makes it clear. We'll miss out on more if we try to live in a moment that we're not. We'll miss out if we continue to take our time for granted. Things and people won't always be here. Cherish your moments without associating them with stress. Allot time to yourself and other things that are important to you. It's healthy. 

So anyways, I envisioned this post going in a different direction than what it did, but I just committed to this once it started. I am doing well, though. I'm trying to take life one day at a time. 

Happy Sunday. GO PACKERS.

- A