Driving with J$

**Upon reading this post, you'll be exposed to the inner-workings of my true thoughts with no filter. Oh gahsh. I feel too vulnerable already. Just don't talk to me about it in person. Pretend a robot wrote this**

On my drive home this weekend and back to Eau Claire, I put myself in this seemingly strange hypothetical situation. Here's the scene of my situation: I'm driving on I-94, listening to my TechYES playlist when I look over, and Jesus is in my passenger seat. Now, if that really were to happen, what the moment look like?

I have no doubt that I would be awkward. I'm sure I would kick things off with a joke or some bad pun. Maybe offer the dude a handful of candy corn--assuming He would like it. Would I dare talk about the upcoming election? Probably not. I'd probably also offer to turn off my music. Unless He enjoys jamming to the sweet bass of techno. I'd want to talk about a lot of things regarding Him and Christianity (especially the Spanish conquistadores of South America). Also the big life questions.

But let's rewind to the creation of this thought process. It came to be as a result of my internal panic regarding graduation this December. What is a 22 year old drowning in debt going to do with a Liberal Arts degree in Spanish and a made up minor? I know I must have complete faith in the Lord's plan for me. I know I want to get my masters in Student Affairs, one day join the Peace Corps, get my PhD in Spanish, teach English abroad, and have a family. I also am very aware that there is a high chance none of these things may happen.

With this flurry of thoughts, I naturally began to panic. What am I actually going to do in the Fall of 2016? I am just now accepting the fact that I do not run on my time, but rather the Lord's. He has numbered my days and only He knows my calendar. So much for Outlook. For a free spirit and lost soul, such as myself, this is fairly comforting because I'm hopeful that things will fall in place with time. But also, I want to know where I'll be and where I'm supposed to be. I guess time is a gift that is used for more than our own purpose.

Amidst this chaos, there has been judgement placed upon me in regards to what I'm doing, what I have done, and who I am. People. I'm just going to do my thing. You'll either love the Allie or disapprove of the Allie. I'm fine with either, though I'd prefer to receive your love. I can't change my character because individuals disapprove. I'm a proponent for being yourself, because that's the best version of you (some famous person probably said that). We all have our masks that we put on. For me, it's way too easy to let the imposter version of myself come out. She knows how to act around a specific group of people to avoid judgement and gain approval. What can I say, I'm lovable? That's also like, really dumb because I'm lying to everyone. Also, people don't have the right to cast out judgment, so it shouldn't matter how others perceive me. Yet for some reason, it does. Judgment is then followed by a questioning of my character and value.

As a result of this twisted mentality, when riding with passenger Jesus in my car, the biggest question I would want answered is why do we so often forget how valuable we actually are? Why do we let society determine our worth? I say "we" because I know I'm not the only person guilty of this. Fun fact: I did have this conversation with J$ and this is what my 22.5 year-old self gained from it:
Our actions do not define our permanent being. They are learning tools that help foster our growth in a positive way. That can easily happen if we surround ourselves with people who encourage us during the highs and lows in life. We also all fuck up and make mistakes. Own up to your shit and admit your faults. Wait. If you are immersed in people who will judge, how can you? That's when the imposter self comes out and covers everything up. Trust me. I've been there. But I know I wouldn't be who I am if I didn't own up to my faults. I've only grown from them in a positive way, even if it may have hurt in the moment. I've learned to humble myself, even if I lose friendships along the way. It's a hard concept for me to fully fathom because I care so much about the relationships I create, but people come and go in our lives. When friendships end, I question what I did wrong. Like, what the heck. But then I reflect and realize that I actually probably did everything right in my role as a friend. It just ran its course. That doesn't change my worth at all. I'm still important, yo, even if I only have nine toenails. It's important to surround oneself with people who show love in the dark destructive moments but also the triumphant ones. Like, people who accept you for you without trying to change who you are. I want to have the courage to live a life true to myself and not the life that others expect of me.

Future me will hopefully be a much cooler version of the present with much more insight on life. I also hope to have more revelations that allow my head and heart to work together rather than against one another. I don't know what will happen tomorrow, next week, next month, next year, next decade, etc. but I do know that I will continue to receive unconditional love from the only one who matters. It's what will continue to shape my being. I am absolutely worthy of love.

Regardless of who you are, what your spiritual beliefs are, and the challenges you've had to overcome or are still trying to overcome, you too are worthy of love. So like, just don't forget that. Stay true to yourselves (despite your age) and I truly believe that then your lives will become much more joyful.
Keep your hearts happy, friends. Sending sniffles and hugs your way!

-A

In other news. Here's a gross picture of me. I have this tissue sticking out of my nose because it won't stop running. I'm also surprised I have not yet coughed up a lung or lost my voice. The cute lil' guy in my tea is giving me hope <3 

26.2 Miles...ON WHEELS

 HELLO.

So, this last weekend, a few friends and I made the trip from Eau Claire, WI to Duluth, MN. The reasoning behind was to participate in the 2015 North Shore Inline Skate Marathon. What does that mean? 26.2 miles on rollerblades. PEOPLE We skated from Two Harbors back to Duluth. Part of the route was on the freeway. I couldn't feel my feet for 20 miles and had a three inch blister due to the fact that I wore my new rollerblades that weren't broken in all the way... My face also got sunburned. I HAVE NO REGRETS. I'll post a longer post regarding what's been happening in my life some point this weekend. But for now, enjoy this video! (The color and pixelation is kind of weird on some of it. So I apologize!) 

https://vimeo.com/140416936

NEW Adventure

It's 10:00 AM on Thursday morning and I'm sitting in my favorite coffee shop off campus--The Goat. Gregory Alan Isakov's sweet voice is flowing through my little ear drums and my hands are hugging my cup of coffee. I've yawned at least twenty times in the past hour and a half. The sun is shining and I feel like Fall is on its way. My class this morning got cancelled, so I don't have class until 1:00 PM. We're in our second week of classes and next week will be our first FULL week. I'm mentally exhausted. My brain has just been chugging along nonstop.

This semester my course load is absolutely insane and my Spanish advisor/professors have all told me that I should change it. I have four Spanish classes (three of which are literature), a Spanish history class (but in English), and then a methods course. This schedule needs to remain because I am finally going to graduate...THIS DECEMBER (as opposed to next December). In order to do so, though, I once again changed my major...in my fifth year of school. Like, who does that? I dropped Elementary Education and Spanish Education for a Liberal Arts degree in Spanish with a topical minor in Intercultural Communications. Some of you may be gasping or pissed at me for not teaching. I don't want to continue convincing myself that my heart is in teaching when I know that it isn't. I was in a high-school the other day for my methods course and I just felt so claustrophobic and trapped. That feeling shouldn't exist.

"So, Allie. What the f*** are you doing? What can you even do with your new degree program?" Well, everyone. That's a great question. UW-Eau Claire doesn't actually offer a minor in Intercultural Communications, so I literally created it for myself based on classes I have already taken. I don't know what I'm doing. I never really do. I am okay just going with wherever the wind takes me. I know that God's plan for me is greater than my own. I do know that my heart is in Student Affairs and I will hopefully attend graduate school in the Fall to get my masters. Or maybe even my P.hD in Spanish. I don't know. But I do know that I already have a job lined up for after I graduate. In fact, I start it next week! Which is the next exciting part of my life adventure.

Friends: I will not be continuing as an RA this year. It's bittersweet because I really enjoy my 11 coworkers and the thirty residents I directly work with. Unknowingly, they have helped me with my adjustment back from Juneau. They helped remind me of all the reasons why I do love Eau Claire. The reason I am leaving the RA position is because I was offered a position in the Think Tank, which is one of the offices in housing. Essentially, I will be supervising 10-15 individuals and working with professional staff to ensure that programming can occur efficiently and effectively. Normally, this is a professional position, but with budget cuts in the state and people moving up in the field, it has turned into a graduate student position. However, because of the timing, no graduate student has been found, which leaves me. CRAZY. I am moving out of Oak Ridge, which has been my home since 2011, and into a different residence hall. I'll have my own apartment and several other benefits. This opportunity is incredible and will serve as yet another springboard for my career in higher education. This opportunity presented itself just a few days after I changed my major. I was in a dry season in regards to my relationship with God (which is another story) but the timing of this and the greatness of it is affirming of His existence.

I got a tattoo when I was back in Juneau (which I conveniently forgot to write about in my recent posts). I was also asked to be a bridesmaid in the wedding of my childhood best friend and could not be more exciting or honored. I feel like good things are finally happening to me after all the shit I've gone through over the past year or two. Life is turning around. Yeah, those shitty things are still out there but there is a lot of good happening. So friends, if life is just taking a big dump on you, it will turn around at some point. Try to keep a positive attitude and keep smiling your beautiful smiles, no matter how much you may be hurting on the inside. Karma has a way of coming back around to you.

XOXO
-A