"bag of bones and blood red cheeks
guilty from the words i speak
say the truth will set you free
but it won't for me
...
we can't change who we are
we are all alone"
needtobreathe is telling us that the devil is
the one whom is wreaking havoc and marring the ways in which we perceive
ourselves.
i can't change who i am, but Christ can. and He
has. the Truth has set me free. i am not alone.
this week, over many donuts, star gazing,
praying, biking, and sleeping i have been further convicted in regards to the
gift i have received from God: love
you may or may not know this, but more often
than not, i am a reclusive human being.
yes, i know that independence and solidarity can be healthy, especially for an introvert like me. i need time to recharge so that i
may continue to pour into others the way Christ pours into me: with full
passion and relentless energy.
however at times, it is unhealthy. there are
moments in which i feel abandoned, alone, and unloved. moments in which i am
laying on my potato in the dark listening to adele on repeat with a glass of
cabernet. i find myself walking back towards the chains that Christ has broken me
free of as i listen to the words that satan tells me. words that feed into my
anxieties and build up my walls. walls that prevent me from stepping out in bold faith.
the enemy is absolutely aware of the ways in
which God has worked in my life. his main goal is to separate me from God. of
course he is going to push me towards dark to encourage me to walk a life of
sin rather than one reflective of Christ. naturally, he is going to attack me
where i am the strongest.
up until a few months ago, my heart was stone
cold towards new people and the prospects of starting new relationships. rather
than opening up and sharing my heart, i was going to keep it. people didn't need to know the ways in which the Spirit was working in my heart. i didn't want to
get hurt. but i'm an idiot. by doing that, i was only hurting God's kingdom,
which is exactly what he wants.
Hebrews 13:5 says, "I will never desert
you, nor will I ever forsake you."
if i stop loving, i am deserting and forsaking
my brothers and sisters. if i stop loving, i am deserting and forsaking those
who do not know Love.
i feel like i am harry potter and hagrid just
stomped into my house in the middle of a storm telling me i'm a wizard. but
actually, the Holy Spirit knocked down the walls surrounding my heart and said:
"You are loved. So love others so that they may know
Love."
i still have a lot to learn. how can i love in a
way that is glorifying to God? i want to be intentional, genuine, and
vulnerable. but at the same time, i need to make room for Christ to love on
individuals as well. it will be a journey. but one that i am excited to
continue on! my heart is just bursting at the seams because i just love Love
<3
let me love you.
xoxo
-A
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