false summits

all summer i've been summiting mountains and enjoying day long hikes. i've conquered thunder, jumbo, juneau, and roberts. the only remaining mountain was mcginnis. a mountain that makes my stomach drop every time i look at it. it's elevation is 4228 feet. 

i was ready. i was prepared. nothing could burst my happy bubble. until i received a phone call on friday night with news that absolutely shattered my heart. i'm still in shock over the loss of a friend and want to do nothing but cry. i knew that for me to process everything in a healthy way, being out in nature was best. 

a nine hour day was ahead--the perfect amount of time to talk with God, think about life, and just take in his love. the first half of the hike wasn't too terrible: there were a few switchbacks, some good views of the glacier, and plenty of opportunity to get my socks soggy with mud. 

the last half of the hike was pretty much entirely uphill--with two false summits. as we approached the first false summit, i felt confident in my ability to go up it. the lush alpine was soft beneath my feet and the surrounding ponds reflected the blue sky up above. we made it to the base of the second false summit. i looked up and felt defeated. there was no way i had the energy in me to hike up this. i was emotionally and physically drained. the terrain was quite different--rocks were shattered and the surrounding mountains seemed to be out of sight. it was ugly. i almost quit right then and there as i fantasized about eating my peanut butter and jelly sandwich as i let my legs and body rest. then i started to think about what the Israelites had gone through to get from Egypt to Canaan (granted, hiking mcginnis and walking for forty years are quite different). i shut out the negative emotion i was feeling and just went for it. 

the final summit was in sight and i felt more optimistic. i made the mistake of looking straight up at what was ahead and felt even more defeated than i had before. the idea of walking 500 vertical feet or more was nauseating. my emotions were taking over and i fought back tears--how could i be amidst God's creation and feel such defeat? how could i just want to give up when i had made it so far? why was i even letting that thought cross my mind? i prayed for the strength to keep going and with each tiny shuffle forward, i made it. the view from the top was breathtaking--better than the other mountains i have conquered. i felt an overwhelming sense of peace: the mountains are so large and i am so small. yet, we are his creation. we are beautiful and lovely. 

looking back, i parallel all of this with faith. the first summit is symbolic of first 

becoming a Christian: happy go lucky and high on Jesus' love. harps and trumpets play as you wake up each morning. we're especially in tune with the Holy Spirit. however, as we continue on in our walks as Christians, we get tired. our souls thirst for Him but there seems to be no way to replenish that because life is presenting unexpected challenges and hurdles that test our faith. temptation is more prominent than ever before. for me, there are times when i think that taking a step away from God, back down that mountain, would be so much easier. our hearts may want to rest from the heartbreak we've faced. we're tired of stumbling and scrambling. but then we look back and reflect on how much He has provided and blessed us with. because of Him, we are able to get up and carry on. He equips us with the strength to persevere through the chaos that Satan brings into our lives. with patience and the help of prayer and fellowship, we are able to reach the final summit: His kingdom. the hurdles, or false summits, that we overcome are tests in our faith. but they are tests that bring us closer to the Lord.

"blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him." james 1:12

prayers and hugs. 

- A