false summits

all summer i've been summiting mountains and enjoying day long hikes. i've conquered thunder, jumbo, juneau, and roberts. the only remaining mountain was mcginnis. a mountain that makes my stomach drop every time i look at it. it's elevation is 4228 feet. 

i was ready. i was prepared. nothing could burst my happy bubble. until i received a phone call on friday night with news that absolutely shattered my heart. i'm still in shock over the loss of a friend and want to do nothing but cry. i knew that for me to process everything in a healthy way, being out in nature was best. 

a nine hour day was ahead--the perfect amount of time to talk with God, think about life, and just take in his love. the first half of the hike wasn't too terrible: there were a few switchbacks, some good views of the glacier, and plenty of opportunity to get my socks soggy with mud. 

the last half of the hike was pretty much entirely uphill--with two false summits. as we approached the first false summit, i felt confident in my ability to go up it. the lush alpine was soft beneath my feet and the surrounding ponds reflected the blue sky up above. we made it to the base of the second false summit. i looked up and felt defeated. there was no way i had the energy in me to hike up this. i was emotionally and physically drained. the terrain was quite different--rocks were shattered and the surrounding mountains seemed to be out of sight. it was ugly. i almost quit right then and there as i fantasized about eating my peanut butter and jelly sandwich as i let my legs and body rest. then i started to think about what the Israelites had gone through to get from Egypt to Canaan (granted, hiking mcginnis and walking for forty years are quite different). i shut out the negative emotion i was feeling and just went for it. 

the final summit was in sight and i felt more optimistic. i made the mistake of looking straight up at what was ahead and felt even more defeated than i had before. the idea of walking 500 vertical feet or more was nauseating. my emotions were taking over and i fought back tears--how could i be amidst God's creation and feel such defeat? how could i just want to give up when i had made it so far? why was i even letting that thought cross my mind? i prayed for the strength to keep going and with each tiny shuffle forward, i made it. the view from the top was breathtaking--better than the other mountains i have conquered. i felt an overwhelming sense of peace: the mountains are so large and i am so small. yet, we are his creation. we are beautiful and lovely. 

looking back, i parallel all of this with faith. the first summit is symbolic of first 

becoming a Christian: happy go lucky and high on Jesus' love. harps and trumpets play as you wake up each morning. we're especially in tune with the Holy Spirit. however, as we continue on in our walks as Christians, we get tired. our souls thirst for Him but there seems to be no way to replenish that because life is presenting unexpected challenges and hurdles that test our faith. temptation is more prominent than ever before. for me, there are times when i think that taking a step away from God, back down that mountain, would be so much easier. our hearts may want to rest from the heartbreak we've faced. we're tired of stumbling and scrambling. but then we look back and reflect on how much He has provided and blessed us with. because of Him, we are able to get up and carry on. He equips us with the strength to persevere through the chaos that Satan brings into our lives. with patience and the help of prayer and fellowship, we are able to reach the final summit: His kingdom. the hurdles, or false summits, that we overcome are tests in our faith. but they are tests that bring us closer to the Lord.

"blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him." james 1:12

prayers and hugs. 

- A

funky funk

i feel as if i have not seen the sun in days. every time i take a step out the door, the sky is dripping on my already disheveled hair, so it just becomes more disheveled. i mean, there are those moments when it is dry and i catch a glimpse of blue sky through the cloud covering. however, it usually only lasts about an hour (at most). which is exciting, but also...it gives false hope that a dry sunny day is ahead.

i am constantly chilled to the bone, regardless of a chunky sweater or blanket scarf. sadly, summer is at an end. or is coming to an end. don't get me wrong, a hike in the rain is still possible and just as beautiful. it's just more difficult to motivate oneself to do so #HigherRiskOfPneumonia 

i think i mentioned this in my last post, but i have been in the funkiest of funks. i know it's part of because i have not been as active as i would like to be. instead of going on a hike, i would rather stay snuggled in blanket with a cup of coffee, donut, and book. don't get me wrong, i LOVE snuggling. however, my heart and spirit would rather be experiencing an adventure first hand rather than reading about one. 

i absolutely love the adventure that juneau provides. adventure in new relationships. adventure in nature. adventure in food. adventure in my spirituality. adventure in my identity. 

another contribution to my funk is the realization that my adventure in juneau is not permanent, at least not at this point in my life. today in church, that realization really hit me as pastor briefly spoke about following the desires God puts on our hearts. and for me, that is peace corps--a desire of mine since high-school and a desire that has grown stronger over the past couple of months.

if i were to stay in juneau, it's because i want to stay and not because He has called me to stay.
i need to pursue what He has called me to do rather than repress it for fear of going out of my comfort zone.

i've decided that i am going to apply for the peace corps in the next few weeks to begin volunteer work in the fall of 2017. i know in my bones that PC is supposed to be a part of my life. and right now, the Holy Spirit is stirring this desire more than ever before. in my view, i would be completely uprooted. in my view the timing does not make any sense in regards to financial comfort, up and coming weddings, my job, fear of disappointing friends and family, grad school, etc.

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future'". Jeremiah 29:11

in His view, the timing is right. i know that Christ is in the world and i will be rooted no matter where i go because i'm rooted in Him. my fear of discomfort and inconvenient timing will be put to rest for Christ is the prince of peace.

so, stay tuned as i work through this battle i have with myself and God in regards to the peace corps application #PrayAboutIt

in other news, my friend kelsey is here for the week and it she has been a ray of sunshine in this gloomy weather. we've tried hiking mt. roberts twice but have been defeated by the weather, so we are hoping that tomorrow it clears up. thus far, though, we have ventured to the glacier, sipped on tea, eaten A LOT of food, drove out to eagle beach, walked around the shrine where we were able to see salmon fail as they try to swim upstream, and explore downtown. more adventure is in store for the rest of our week as another friend will be joining us and at the end of the week, another mogensen will be in town! more photos and updates on these adventures to come. cheers to crazy escapades and happy hearts.

xoxo

-A

nuggets and blessings

hello!

a few weeks ago, three of us thought it would be a wonderful idea to register for the aukeman sprint triathlon as a relay team. a few weeks ago, this was a genius idea. a few weeks ago, the weather was consistently gorgeous which made staying in shape much easier. 

a few weeks later, we had regret. what were we getting ourselves into? margo had to swim in the freezing waters of auke lake, i to bike out to the glacier and back on a couple gnarly hills, and denise to run through a hilly forest. i had not biked more than five miles in probably three weeks. prior to that, i was averaging about 12 miles a day. so...i'm a little tender right now. i blame my lack of physical activity on the constant drizzle state juneau seems to have gotten back into. 

with all of that said, the race actually ended up being really fun. it came time to unclip from my pedals so i could hand off our mini bracelet baton to denise. i unclipped from my right foot, but could not get my left foot out. i tried for thirty seconds before it finally came undone. meanwhile, volunteers, cheerleaders, and officials are laughing at me. what a life i live. 

a triathlon sprint is something i would do individually in the future. i could easily do the swim and the bike. the running on the other hand... eh... i would rather eat a cat litter sandwich. we'll see where this next year takes me. ultimately, i would love to do a full triathlon, but again--the running poses a problem. 

to help with my recovery, i chose to go the tea house. it's one of those places that no matter my current mood, my spirits are lifted. and let me tell you, i needed that. i have been in such a funky funk the past couple of weeks. i have felt like a piece of bread getting soggy in the rain. feeling like i could always be doing something more. like... i haven't been doing enough for myself or for other people. truthfully, i don't even know what that means or what that would look like if i were to do more. maybe for myself, it would look like being more intentional about reading my Bible or developing a healthy sleeping pattern. for others, maybe it would require me to pour into them more than i have, be more genuine, and be more bold? so anyways, having had reflection time at the tea house, has been absolutely wonderful. a few tears from negative changes and happy vibes from positive changes. 

i know that change will continue over the next year as people leave and come into my life. that is terrifying. social anxiety will inevitably kick in. but at the same time, it truly is a lovely thought because it is all in God's timing. it can be sad as people leave your life, but it is oh so joyful to be able to reflect on how much they have impacted you. it's even more joyful to know that He has something enormous planned for them; whether it is temporary or permanent, them leaving your life is purposeful. when someone new breaks through your barriers and into your heart, it rains ice-cream sprinkles. you learn and grow from one another. your heart will hold their handprints. 

speaking of happy things, i just finished a book called Jesus Feminist. i'm not really sure if i enjoyed the entirety of it or just a part. i mean, it did take me like...five months to read. however, at one part, the author talked about how the things that makes us happy, the nuggets in life that we count as blessings, are sneak peaks of what his kingdom holds for us. 

i smile at the thought of birkenstocks and wool socks, popcorn, donuts, rollerblades, happy hearts, llamas, and chunky sweaters. i leap for joy when i see friends and family i haven't seen in months. on cold days, my soul warms with a cup of coffee and a heart-to-heart conversation. those are my nuggets and blessings. 

i kind of want to explode confetti just thinking about living in his kingdom for eternity once i leave this place called Earth. 

for now, though, i'm going to enjoy it and continue to count my blessings. i'm going to revel in the fact that my photos from Nicaragua will be hanging up in Gonzos, that two people whom I love dearly will come visit me over the next three weeks, that my beautiful friend is getting married, and so much more! LIFE IS GOOD PEOPLE. 

xoxo

-A