black eye

remember when...

• ...someone got stuck to my backpack coming out of the elevator and i didn't know?
• ...i tripped on my way to class and as i was getting back up, i fell again?
• ...i fell on my rollerblades in the middle of campus?
• ...i almost died ice-climbing?
• ...i fell off my horse in chile?
• ...i fell off my lofted bed?
• ...i slipped under the guard rail over an edge while hiking?
• ...i forgot to put a coffee cup under my keurig and it got all over my desk?
• ...i peed on stage?
• ...got stitches in third grade from swinging on the counter?
• ...i tripped going up the stairs of hibbard hall?

the list is endless (in theory). essentially, all of these memories reinforce the lack of grace in my life. well, friends. i can now add that i have a black eye. i would love to say that i got into a fight with someone for a cause i believe in. i would love to say that it happened when i was saving a llama from a wildabeast. i would love to say that it happened as i was summiting a mountain. but no. of course it would be none of those things. instead, i got it from face planting on my rollerblades. one of the only things i trust completely in my life. and they let me down.

immediately after the fall. 

the past few weeks weather has been gorgeous, prime for rollerblading. so last night, before youth group, i thought: you know, it drizzled a little bit today but YOLO. i'm still going to rollerblade. i've skated in wisconsin in the dark and in the rain, so i should be able to do it here. i grabbed my headlamp, camel-back fanny pack for hydration, and my phone to track my route. i was either going to go to the glacier and back or just skate to youth group (distance would be the same). i'm ten feet from my driveway and my wheels are a little stuck (probably rusty from the water from my previous endeavor). i come across a pothole (unknowingly) but manage to conquer it. but as i was carefully avoiding pothole number one, a second one came out of nowhere. my upper body went forward while my lower body stayed put as my wheel was caught on the chunk of pavement. in no time, i was face to face with the ground. 

a sharp pain shot through my face, my hip, my chest, and my wrists. i thought i was going to meet my maker. which wouldn't be bad, because i love jesus. BUT i wasn't ready. too much life to live, too much world to conquer, and so much uneaten candy corn. i was able to get up and i feebly skated to my apartment, not sure how i felt emotionally. i felt nothing. so, i grabbed a girl scout cookie, drank some water, checked out my wounds, washed the dirt out, and started laughing. of fucking course this would happen to me. 

i rolled into youth group (via my car) with a black eye, swollen face, and a scabby cheek. of course all were accompanied by a smile. why let a pot hole ruin a wonderful day? as the kids say these days, YOLO.  

a night of rest, a shower, and no make-up

but listen up. that YOLO mentality did not last past 7:00 AM today. i felt so defeated. my body ached. i look(ed) like a chump. i was tired. coffee didn't seem to work. it was rainy. i've cried for no reason. 

other weird things seemed to happen this week as well. things that further exemplified that i was off. not on my 'a' game. i'm almost certain it's because i haven't spent a lot of time with God. i didn't go to b-stud either of the two nights i usually do. i missed church on sunday because i was in mpls. i haven't opened my Bible in a few days. i'm not complete without Him and without His word. that Fella IS love. He is all that matters. ALL that matters.

i need to continue to fall into His grace more and more. otherwise i will continue to face plant into harmful things and injure my spirit. which is exactly what He Who Must Not Be Named wants. i'm not going to let that chump get me down. this was a physical friendly reminder to bring Him back into my life. 

peace. love. and band-aids. 

-A