poop stains and heart stains

the day started off like any ordinary day. i slept through my alarm, took a shower, brushed my teeth, got dressed, searched for my keys, and went out the door. i met some friends for brunch downtown at The Rookery, where we shared some laughs and love over warm coffee and overpriced food.

proceeding that, i went to joann fabrics to grab a few things. while i was in the checkout line, i realized that i probably needed to poop. i could hold it though, because on an urge scale of 1-10, 10 being i'm going to poop my pants, it was a 5.

or so i thought.

as i handed the cashier my credit card, i broke into a heavy sweat and soon realized that the 5 just turned into a 10. but before i could do anything, it was too late.

i had pooped my pants. 

i needed to get out of there and take care of the shituation. she handed me my card, tried asking me to sign up for coupons and i shortly said: i need to go.

in a panic, i started power walking to my car. however, my route was full of obstacles: a mom stuck in the door as she was trying to push her newborn baby in a cart, people walking slow, and me forgetting where i had parked. once i found my car, a sad reality hit me: i had to drive home in my poop stained underwear.

my day has definitely turned around. i'm sitting with a personalized teapot from the northern tea house while jamming out to some jesus culture as i am reminded as to how much God loves me, no matter what. i think that my afternoon fiasco is symbolic of my walk as a Christian. Jesus died for me and took the punishment so that i may experience the freedom that will inevitably result in sin. sin that will stain my heart if it hasn't already (and trust me, it has). it will always exist because i'm human.

"But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8

in my own life, i need to put my own selfish wants and desires aside. the wants and desires that may cause me to act out in sin. i am here for God's purpose and not my own. no matter what happens on my walk as a Christian, i know the importance of maintaining a relationship with the Lord. if my relationship with Him is damaged, i wholeheartedly strive to make it right again.

this mentality is something that i am trying to carry over into other relationships in my life. the ones that seem broken or damaged are worth fighting for regardless of varying complications: bitterness, impurity, differing beliefs, etc. imagine if God were to decide that my relationship with Him was too complicated so He just gave up? if He decided that i wasn't worth fighting for anymore? if He decided that because i sinned against Him, he would stop loving me? Or if He stopped showing me grace? i would be lifeless.

i want to walk in love, just as Christ has.

"therefore be imitator of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God." Ephesians 5:1-2

to be more Christ like, i need to have an open heart, open mind, and open ears. the vulnerability scares me, but it is important to exemplify bravery in those relationships. i need to show grace. it is important to clothe myself with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. i need to forgive as the Lord forgave me (Colossians 3:12-17).

my heart is stained with sin and scarred with life's challenges. but those scars and stains have shaped my identity. they are symbolic of my need for the Lord. no matter where i go and what obstacles i am faced with, i need to remember to live with the peace of Christ in my heart.