a letter to 2016

dear 2016,

you have provided nothing but a whirlwind of emotions. at times i find myself resenting you because of all the shit storms. and then i get salty for giving you as many tears as i have. but often, i don't want you to end because holy nuts--you were a year full of marvelous life!

the reality of it all, 2016? you know how to play a girl's heart.

you were a year where darkness could easily have had a foothold. you took away precious life from three people i love all too soon, and all within a few months of one another. my heart broke on multiple occasions. my camera is barely functioning. i almost walked away from the Lord. i got a black eye and several other wounds from my "extreme" sports. i made some poor choices as a result of drinking. i broke trust in relationships causing irrevocable damage. my car got rear ended. i ate moldy bread unknowingly. i pooped my pants at the store. i fall into sin's lifeless arms every day. i experienced spiritual warfare on a new level. i moved away from some of my best friends and some of my best friends moved away from me. i was a slave to guilt. i was pulled over three times in two weeks--two of which truly were a result of burnt out tail lights. i have been unforgiving. my bank account is nearly empty. i have cried a lot.

BUT, ef all of that.

there is SO much good that has happened. good that can only result from our Creator. i was able to spend three weeks in nicaragua. three weeks that opened my eyes to a culture rich in beauty and love. i stepped foot into the adult realm. rather than walking away from Christ in the dark moments, i only grew in my relationship with Him as i pressed further and further into His heart. i am loved by the Beloved. i am somehow coleading a girls' Bible study--ugh, what? (definitely don't feel qualified for that). walls were broken down as i relearned how to trust and genuinely love. i got to see my favorite band perform. i drove across the country, took a ferry, and relocated my life to juneau. i spent hours rollerblading throughout juneau--sometimes by myself and other times with a fellow blader babe or running fiend. i've shared my heart with close friends over a donut as we stare at the stars. i regained confidence in my identity. i got to see one of my best friend's marry the man of her dreams. i learned what it means to forgive and be forgiven. i perfected my popcorn recipe. i played croquet on the golf course at midnight with tiki torches. i shared an ice-cream cone with one of the most majestic creatures (a cow). a plethora of people i love got to see a piece of my heart as they visited juneau. i learned to appreciate the dysfunctionality of my family. i played softball all summer. i got stuck on a mountain in total darkness. my cardio health improved with each huff and puff up juneau's mountains. my photography is hanging up at gonzo. for once, i know what i want to do in life because i know it's where He is leading me and i trust Him completely.


thank you for your time, 2016. through each of your moments, there has always been Light. what is 365 days in comparison to an eternity praising God? i want each of my days to reflect His infinite beauty.

"but do not forget this one thing, dear friends: with the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. the Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance." 2 peter 3:8-9

happy new year!

xoxo
-a

empowerment

winter has hit juneau. the day meets "sunlight" late in the morning and is soon greeted by darkness in the late afternoon. rain falls from the sky as it is moved by the high speed winds. the temperature is confused, because the rain turns to snow which then melts within hours of falling and turns to icy frost. i just want to be going ham on my rollerblades with n.w.a. blaring through my ear buds. but i can't. and that's okay. instead, i am filling my time with sleep (for once), friends, hikes, and popcorn. there was a week where i was going from 6 AM - 12 AM every day without being home. probably not the healthiest of weeks--i was pouring out so much, without taking the time to refill my cup.

during this time of year, people often suggest taking vitamin d. but i don't. and right now, i feel no need to. instead, i press further and further into my Creator. in this new winter season, one of literal darkness, His presence is so much stronger. the other night i had a solo ops out to the glacier to try and capture the beauty of the night sky. the mountains covered in snow as the stars shone with a new purpose. nugget falls could be heard from a few miles away and the snow crunched beneath my feet with each step i took. in that moment, my heart was in awe. i almost cried, which may have also been a result of the cold. talk about an adrenaline rush at 1:00 AM.

heavy burdens were lifted in that moment as i better understood the empowerment that the Lord has given me. because of Him, i am able to love in moments when it is really challenging. because of Him, i am able to serve even though my flesh may not want to. because of Him, i can (try) to put others before myself. i am empowered to follow God's will. what a beautiful thing! let's face it, the decisions i've made because i thought they were best usually resulted in a train wreck. but the decisions i've made as a result of following His will have blessed me abundantly (challenges and all). He provides incredible opportunities to love, serve, and live justly. which i am not deserving of at all. and trust me, i fall into the grimy hands of sin every day. but it pushes me to grow in my relationship with the Lord and better my identity as His daughter.

i'm looking forward to seeing what He reveals in the upcoming new year. a new year of possibilities, fresh starts, and restoration. woohoo!

i'll see you soon my midwest, loves <3

xoxo
-A