i'm 23 and am still battling one of the worst repercussions of puberty: acne. as i was brushing my teeth post shower this morning, i looked in the mirror. in addition to the bags under my eyes, nowhere near perfect eyebrows, round face, scars, enormous pores, chapped lips, and crooked teeth, i discovered two new red inhabitants on my forehead. it seems that no amount of face wash, cream, or healthy food can combat this teen nightmare.
there's no way i was going to go to church with those bad boys not covered by layers of makeup. heaven forbid the world sees my flaws. once i was done altering my natural identity, my next dilemma was: what do i wear? after changing outfits a few times, i grumpily settled for my wrinkled denim shirt, black leggings, and comfy scarf accompanied by my birkenstocks. needless to say, i felt like a diarrhea sandwich walking into church and much like Mia from Princess Diaries:
so of course, i get to church and begin comparing myself to the women in the room--admiring their disposition, cute clothes, perfect eyebrows, hair, etc. what a dumb idea because that only made me feel worse. it's natural to question our body image and compare ourselves to other people. within my own social network, body image comes up more than it should in conversation: weight, butts, boobs, legs, the impossible nonexistent thigh gap, hair, height, YOU NAME IT. why do we strive for perfection? easy: bikini ready bods and a desire for attention from a hunk or our peers.
i could stare at a tall guy with a man bun, great smile, and six pack abs hidden underneath a flannel all day long [especially if he loves coffee, Jesus, farewell milwaukee, and a good war movie]. but
reality check. that's superficial beauty. that's the kind of beauty that creates impossible standards for men and women. the perfect woman does not exist. the perfect man does not exist. and even more so, the perfect christian woman does not exist and the perfect christian man does not exist. we are all broken. we are all flawed. but yet, we strive to mask our insecurities through an identity that is not who God made us to be, but one that society made us to be through false ideas of what beauty is.
i truly believe that the core of beauty comes from an individual's spirit: what caused their scars and how are they working towards healing them, what makes them laugh, what are their convictions, what has God put on their heart, etc.
i ask myself: to what extent am I equating my outer beauty with my value as an individual in God's kingdom? i know that the doubts i have in regards to my inner and outer beauty are just lies that the enemy is whispering in my ear. lies that mislabel me. lies that inhibit my ability to worship, as it did this morning at church.
"for you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. i praise you because i am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, i know that full well. my frame was not hidden from you when i was made in the secret place, when i was woven together in the depths of the earth. your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. how precious to me are your thoughts, God! how vast is the sum of them! were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand--when i awake, i am still with you." Psalm 139:13-18
Psalm 139 has been making itself known in my life these past few weeks. it has been applicable on more than one occasion. it seems to be like the one song on the radio that is overplayed and you hear it everywhere you go. i am reminded that God was very intentional in creating me and in creating you. He made us for a purpose.
beauty is an attribute of God and it is sought after in His creation. though ultimately, i am seeking CHRIST. if i pursue my own idea of beauty, things will just become that much more complicated. therefore, i need to pursue God's beauty because only then, will i find true happiness. happiness is not in a new pair of shoes or makeup or hair. it's in HIM. i need to keep my eyes on the prize: our Creator. society does not have the right to label me and i am foolish for letting it do so. for only God has naming rights. if we believe in Him and His plan, we will have eternal life (John 3:16). that is beautiful.
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| celebrating national donut day |
i'm quirky. i'm clumsy. i eat too many donuts and too much popcorn. my body is far from perfect. my heart has scars. the ability to love is one of my strengths, but also my greatest weakness. i can be judgmental. i've disappointed many people, including myself. i like to drink wine and on occasion drink too much of it. i break His heart daily. it's safe to say, that i am mega flawed. but it's important to remember that these flaws are not something to be ashamed of but are part of my design. what's important is how can i use my flaws to bring Him glory?
i am beautiful and as my sister often reminds me, God loves me and His grace is boundless.
and reader, you bring joy. you matter. you are important. you are loved. you too are beautiful. your flaws should be celebrated because they serve some purpose.
xoxo
- A
[check out this song by needtobreathe: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yq1H3l7kyYU]
it's weird thinking that i won't be home for the fourth but it feels right. i'll miss eating a hot dog in the sweltering sun as i desperately try to cool down with some summer shandy. i'll miss playing croquet with the family and i'll miss laying on the grass i watch the fireworks. BUT i know that my fourth of july will be filled with new adventures. perhaps i'll watch the fireworks from atop a mountain or i'll watch them from the dock with an APA in hand. i'll still eat a hot dog, though it might be in the rain and a little soggy. the beauty of adventure is that it's unpredictable and anything can happen.
